The little things are the biggest.

Yesterday I received a card in the mail from my Auntie Lori. (love!) Simple thing, really. It had a small note and a small gift. But they were so much greater than the sum of their parts.

It's been lovely series of ups and downs for me since I moved here. The last 2 months have been especially hard with being out of work and not really knowing when a sense of stability would return. The unknown is always so freaking hard to deal with!! And I'd be lying if I said I didn't get to a point that I wondered if I hadn't made a big mistake somewhere in the decision to establish myself here. I wondered, after having built up so much confidence and resolve and independence... Can I really do this? Am I just playing grown-up? What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I not doing? Will I disappoint myself? Will I disappoint my family? ...But I remained faithful to the knowledge that doubt is the enemy working, and that the truth is that I am a part of something much bigger than me. So many prayers have been answered (thank you to those who joined with me in that). Needed a new job: Check~ and what a check that is! Needed to find the funds for my expenses: Check~ found in some unlikely places. Needed to begin finding new living arrangements, meaning either new place or new people: Check~ again, exceeding my expectations. And a few other personal things: CHECK. So the answer to my questions are thus: Yes, I can really do this. No, I'm not just playing grown-up; dealing with tough times is what grown-ups do. I'm doing great. I'm not doing anything less than I can do. I have already made myself proud. And according to Auntie Lori's card, I make my family proud as well. (Any by the way, there have been few times that I have ever believed that. I cried tears of relief at those words.)

Megan had this thought the other day, and it's so appropriate... "I wonder sometimes why I even wonder."

A post for Lauren.

Lauren is my sister. Isn't she beautiful?!?! She turned 22 today, and I just felt I needed to tell you all how amazing she is, because she just rocks my world and I love the crap out of her! If you know her, you're lucky. If you don't, well... you're missing out and I feel sorry for you!

I met this awesome gal when I was 2. She's been my best friend ever since. We've experienced so much as sisters- starting with welcoming our other one, Emily, into the world, making friends with neighborhood kids, our parents divorce (and remarriage, yay!), vacations, heartbreaks, changing schools, borrowing (read: stealing) each others stuff, building forts, meeting boys, talking and laughing into the wee hours of the morning about nothing, getting boobs, becoming independent, bailing each other out, and all those other things that only sisters can really share in that particular way. I'm so glad to have had a sister to share all those things with, but I'm especially glad that she is the sister I got.

One of the many things that I admire most about her, is her determination to make her relationships great. She doesn't give up on people, even when they've let her down or caused her grief. She sees the best in people and makes that their most important feature in her world. There are very few people I can think of that can do this the way she does. And we could all take a hint from her, I think. As I said, Lauren and I have experienced a lot together. She's been through her own share of things too. Things that would make it really easy for most people to become jaded and overly self-preserving. Not Lauren. She's one of the most selfless people I know- almost to a fault. She gives of her time, energy, possessions, and heart to the ones she loves, and even just to those who need a hand. She is so incredibly kind, and so unconditionally considerate that sometimes all I can do is shake my head in awe.

Most recently, she has dazzled me with her leap into motherhood. My nephew Kevin, has got it made in the mommy department! (and the auntie department, I think. ha.) Things are never easy for a single mom. Especially when they're not expected. But she has amazed me with the grace in which she has accepted and embraced her role as a mother. I love watching my sister love on her boy. She adores him, and he does her. She understood immediately that priorities needed to be rearranged, things needed to be put on hold, and new responsibilities needed to be taken on. It's an incredible adjustment, and after seeing her make the transition as smoothly and without complaint, I'm so incredibly proud of her. I hope with all might that I'll be even half the mother she is. Kevin will always be safe, always be provided for, and always always be loved. Lucky boy.

So, to my beautiful sister on her birthday~ I love you! I hope this shows you a little bit just how incredible you are, and how I'm so glad, as I'm sure so many others are, that you came into existence 22 years ago. Over the years, you've made me laugh, you've made me cry, you've made me think, and you've made me better. And don't gripe at me for not getting you a card, because I think this is a fair substitute!!! ;) Happy Birthday, TooterBug. (Yep. I said it. But you can't do anything about it because I'm here and you're there!! Ha!) Yay for sisters.

Now

Ok. A ridiculously large amount of time has passed since my last entry, I know. Wags of the finger inserted (here) and welcomed without objection. I've never been good at any kind of journaling! And the worst part is that I actually have much to divulge. Lots has happened since the last of the updates I've given, and consequently a lot of reflection. Broken down car, loss of job, kindness of friends, visits from family, and even a few adventures in dating. Questioning of faith, some self realizations both of the positive and negative nature, and a renewed appreciation for the things I have and have come to learn, even as few and simple as they may be. 

Something that I have ascertained recently is that worry is a thing that we choose to do or not do, rather than something that forces itself upon us with circumstance. There are things in all of our lives that have the potential, if we let them, to ruin our daily attitude towards life and people, and cause us to worry. We all have bills to pay, relationships that need mending, lies that haunt us, schedules that overwhelm us, people that depend on us, loose ends that need tying up, and questions that need answering. Well, Greetings from planet Earth! This is life here, no matter if you live in the hustle and bustle of New York City or an undiscovered tribe in Africa (in which case you're probably not reading this! But the point remains true). The fact is, I can't think about tomorrow, because what I have is today.  And if I'm worrying and fretting and stressing and thinking about what I need to do tomorrow, I waste the time I have to do what I can today! It seems like a simple enough concept, I know. But I wonder as how well we actually practice it. It's something to be aware of, for sure. Tomorrow never comes, in a sense. It's always now. If I do what I can in the moment I'm in, tomorrow will take care of itself. All this to say that it's not a bad or unproductive thing to have aspirations for the future. We just can't allow ourselves to worry and stress about getting there or not getting there. But you can't eat an elephant in one bite, or put the cart before the horse. If we eat the elephant one bite at a time, and let the horse take one step at a time and only concern ourselves with that one bite or one step at a time, we'll be at the end before we realize it. 

So that's my new venture. To stop freaking out about the things I can't do right now. And start doing just the things I can. 

Name Change

I changed the name of my blog to "Thoughrts"~ inspired by a rather clever accidental misspelling by my pastor back home.  Think of it as thought farts. ...I realize it's juvenile. I'm in touch with my inner child. Deal with it. :) 

Longer, more interesting blog to follow. 

Have a splendid day, lovely people! 

Quickie

Hey!  So, I realize that it's been a little over a month since my last blog... I know I'm due for a new one. I have lots to share, and little time to share it, so~ while that update is in progress, I thought I'd give you a blogging snack to tide you over. 

Thought of the day:  

 

To laugh often and love much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived- This is to have succeeded!  -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think it's all too easy to forget what's really important in life. We're always wanting to make sure that we have all the things we need to be happy.  Well, what if it's not about being happy? What if it's really about just living well?? How would that change your outlook on today? I love this quote by Emerson. It reminds me, as I hope it does you, to just appreciate the everyday miracles, even the ones that don't seem like miracles at the time. 

Winter Wonderland

Being from Southern California, I'm a baby when it comes to weather. So I'm sure you can all imagine-maybe even experience it with me after seeing the video and pictures below-how fascinated I am with all the stuff going on outside.

We had a forecast of colder temperatures starting on Friday and lasting through till about wednesday along with what's called a "wintry mix" on monday and tuesday. I still don't know what that means exactly, but I knew it meant cold, wet stuff.... I actually had Nic kinda run through all the different kinds of weather we seem to get here in Rogers. For example: What is the difference between freezing rain and sleet? (neither of which I can say I've ever experienced.) What exactly does it mean to have an "ice storm"? Apparently sleet is somewhere in between hail and freezing rain, which is really cold rain that turns to ice once it hits something. I think. Anyway, you can understand my confusion this morning when the stuff on the ground looked like snow from a distance, but when you got up close, it's really more like walking through a slushee. I still don't really know what to call it, so well, just call it slush. That's what was on the ground, but everything else that was directly exposed to the elements were encased in ice! I've never seen anything like it. And it's probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen- It looks like everything was individually dipped in glass, forming perfectly to its original shape. It makes everything very ethereal looking. A Winter Wonderland if I ever saw one! See~

This is one of the prettier shots... See how everything looks encased??

Just another pretty shot.

This was a tree that I was so scared of it falling over! If it would have, it would have crushed the backside of a house that's right behind us. Still, it sure is pretty, isn't it?!

This is Nic's car all iced over... I would have gotten a shot of mine, but it hadn't been exposed as long as his... See story below! (Side note: I'm sure glad Aunt Lisa got me that ice scraper for Christmas!)

So, along with getting all the cool shots of frozen things, the thing that brought me out of the house in the first place was a pretty crazy incident! Megan had to work today, but she stopped by the house to tell us that we needed to move our cars...  Well, I'll just let you watch the video. I explain in there...

And here are some other shots of the damage:

Pretty narly, yeah??

My car would have been to the left of that post. Yikes!!

This was the only one that didn't get out in time.  :( Poor truck... Doesn't look like there will be too much damage though. It'll just be stuck for a while!

So, that was my adventure for the day!  My sister said she thought I'd be bored out here.... HAHAHA!!! 

Folding in Your Wings

I've spent the last 2 weeks or so trying to learn the ins and outs and generally make sense of my new position at Remos Aircraft, Rogers.  While the job is a little chaotic at the moment, what with no one really knowing what an Oelkuellerflappe is in English, or what the item number is for that size of nosegear bearing, and still through all the confusion, expecting me to make sense of the warehouse....  Even with all that around me all day, I still think it's pretty stinkin' awesome to be surrounded by cool little airplanes all day! It kinda makes all the mess a little more worth it. Just a little....  

And today I was marvelling a while over the design of the aircraft that Remos produces. There really spectacular little planes, even to my untrained eye. There small little 2 seater planes with one propeller, and even though, in all honesty, they look kind wimpy, they are perfectly airworthy!  But the particular feature that inspired me to write this blog today is that their wings fold in and make the plane compact enough to fit in the space of an average RV. So you could literally park it in your garage after a glorious day of soaring through open skies!  

...I think that most people, even if they are afraid of flying in a plane, would say on some level that they wish they could fly. (It's a spiritual kind of thing, I think.) It's not necessarily that they wish that they could fly an actual plane, or in some fantasy land actually physically fly themselves like a superhero can, although things like that may actually be a secret desire. But I think what they really mean is that they wish they could let their souls fly. And I realize that that's kind of a silly, cliche thing to say, but as silly as it sounds, I think we all want to, at some point, do just that- Let our souls fly! "Be free," if you will.  Let your dreams be your drive and throw caution to the wind. You get the picture. And I personally am a believer in that. I believe that we shouldn't be so afraid to dream, take flight. I don't think that practicality is always the best route. I don't buy the notion that when it comes to decisions one should always use their head first and only. I believe that gut feelings, inner longings, and split second decisions have their place in our lives. I believe that we should all learn to fly. 

However, I don't think that we should be flying all the time. Seventy five percent of a plane's life, after all, is spent on the ground. And in the case of Remos planes, with their wings safely tucked in as well. I've observed that there seems to be some sort of draw to "free spirits" amongst us. They seem so worry-free and content, as if there are no troubles in the world, and if anyone were to say "Nay!" a dictionary would need to be utilized, because no such word exists in a free spirit's vocabulary. And while I stand by my previous statements in the favor of the flight of soul, I also think that being such a free spirit that your feet never know ground isn't exactly as enchanting and nostalgic as it's painted. I would imagine that it's a rather unfulfilling existence to be constantly in the clouds. With no point of reference to speak of.  Never having a destination or direction. How happy could one be, I wonder? Well, not even happy, really, but......balanced? When you think about it, flight really only has true purpose when it's a means of landing somewhere. Even if it's the same place it took off from. A plane cannot fly indefinitely- It MUST land. Or crash. I think the same goes for our spirits. It's a wonderful thing to take flight. It's liberating. It's refreshing. It's fun! But if it's all we ever do, how will we realize exactly how great it is, unless we spend some time on the ground? 

So, this is what I say~  Go learn to fly. Go and let yourself take off into the big open sky and really soar. Do barrel rolls for all I care! But don't forget that there's a safe hangar waiting for you somewhere. While you're flying, keep an eye on the horizon and check the fuel gauge every now and again. Then, land somewhere safely. Take some time to rest and refuel. Fold in your wings and be home for awhile.  There will always be another day to fly again.