The little things are the biggest.

Yesterday I received a card in the mail from my Auntie Lori. (love!) Simple thing, really. It had a small note and a small gift. But they were so much greater than the sum of their parts.

It's been lovely series of ups and downs for me since I moved here. The last 2 months have been especially hard with being out of work and not really knowing when a sense of stability would return. The unknown is always so freaking hard to deal with!! And I'd be lying if I said I didn't get to a point that I wondered if I hadn't made a big mistake somewhere in the decision to establish myself here. I wondered, after having built up so much confidence and resolve and independence... Can I really do this? Am I just playing grown-up? What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I not doing? Will I disappoint myself? Will I disappoint my family? ...But I remained faithful to the knowledge that doubt is the enemy working, and that the truth is that I am a part of something much bigger than me. So many prayers have been answered (thank you to those who joined with me in that). Needed a new job: Check~ and what a check that is! Needed to find the funds for my expenses: Check~ found in some unlikely places. Needed to begin finding new living arrangements, meaning either new place or new people: Check~ again, exceeding my expectations. And a few other personal things: CHECK. So the answer to my questions are thus: Yes, I can really do this. No, I'm not just playing grown-up; dealing with tough times is what grown-ups do. I'm doing great. I'm not doing anything less than I can do. I have already made myself proud. And according to Auntie Lori's card, I make my family proud as well. (Any by the way, there have been few times that I have ever believed that. I cried tears of relief at those words.)

Megan had this thought the other day, and it's so appropriate... "I wonder sometimes why I even wonder."

A post for Lauren.

Lauren is my sister. Isn't she beautiful?!?! She turned 22 today, and I just felt I needed to tell you all how amazing she is, because she just rocks my world and I love the crap out of her! If you know her, you're lucky. If you don't, well... you're missing out and I feel sorry for you!

I met this awesome gal when I was 2. She's been my best friend ever since. We've experienced so much as sisters- starting with welcoming our other one, Emily, into the world, making friends with neighborhood kids, our parents divorce (and remarriage, yay!), vacations, heartbreaks, changing schools, borrowing (read: stealing) each others stuff, building forts, meeting boys, talking and laughing into the wee hours of the morning about nothing, getting boobs, becoming independent, bailing each other out, and all those other things that only sisters can really share in that particular way. I'm so glad to have had a sister to share all those things with, but I'm especially glad that she is the sister I got.

One of the many things that I admire most about her, is her determination to make her relationships great. She doesn't give up on people, even when they've let her down or caused her grief. She sees the best in people and makes that their most important feature in her world. There are very few people I can think of that can do this the way she does. And we could all take a hint from her, I think. As I said, Lauren and I have experienced a lot together. She's been through her own share of things too. Things that would make it really easy for most people to become jaded and overly self-preserving. Not Lauren. She's one of the most selfless people I know- almost to a fault. She gives of her time, energy, possessions, and heart to the ones she loves, and even just to those who need a hand. She is so incredibly kind, and so unconditionally considerate that sometimes all I can do is shake my head in awe.

Most recently, she has dazzled me with her leap into motherhood. My nephew Kevin, has got it made in the mommy department! (and the auntie department, I think. ha.) Things are never easy for a single mom. Especially when they're not expected. But she has amazed me with the grace in which she has accepted and embraced her role as a mother. I love watching my sister love on her boy. She adores him, and he does her. She understood immediately that priorities needed to be rearranged, things needed to be put on hold, and new responsibilities needed to be taken on. It's an incredible adjustment, and after seeing her make the transition as smoothly and without complaint, I'm so incredibly proud of her. I hope with all might that I'll be even half the mother she is. Kevin will always be safe, always be provided for, and always always be loved. Lucky boy.

So, to my beautiful sister on her birthday~ I love you! I hope this shows you a little bit just how incredible you are, and how I'm so glad, as I'm sure so many others are, that you came into existence 22 years ago. Over the years, you've made me laugh, you've made me cry, you've made me think, and you've made me better. And don't gripe at me for not getting you a card, because I think this is a fair substitute!!! ;) Happy Birthday, TooterBug. (Yep. I said it. But you can't do anything about it because I'm here and you're there!! Ha!) Yay for sisters.