The little things are the biggest.

Yesterday I received a card in the mail from my Auntie Lori. (love!) Simple thing, really. It had a small note and a small gift. But they were so much greater than the sum of their parts.

It's been lovely series of ups and downs for me since I moved here. The last 2 months have been especially hard with being out of work and not really knowing when a sense of stability would return. The unknown is always so freaking hard to deal with!! And I'd be lying if I said I didn't get to a point that I wondered if I hadn't made a big mistake somewhere in the decision to establish myself here. I wondered, after having built up so much confidence and resolve and independence... Can I really do this? Am I just playing grown-up? What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I not doing? Will I disappoint myself? Will I disappoint my family? ...But I remained faithful to the knowledge that doubt is the enemy working, and that the truth is that I am a part of something much bigger than me. So many prayers have been answered (thank you to those who joined with me in that). Needed a new job: Check~ and what a check that is! Needed to find the funds for my expenses: Check~ found in some unlikely places. Needed to begin finding new living arrangements, meaning either new place or new people: Check~ again, exceeding my expectations. And a few other personal things: CHECK. So the answer to my questions are thus: Yes, I can really do this. No, I'm not just playing grown-up; dealing with tough times is what grown-ups do. I'm doing great. I'm not doing anything less than I can do. I have already made myself proud. And according to Auntie Lori's card, I make my family proud as well. (Any by the way, there have been few times that I have ever believed that. I cried tears of relief at those words.)

Megan had this thought the other day, and it's so appropriate... "I wonder sometimes why I even wonder."